


Daves Only, Keep Out!

by cthchewy (pyrrhic_victoly)



Category: Homestuck
Genre: All the Daves, Gen, Multiple Daves, Pillow & Blanket Forts, Sleepy Cuddles, Time Shenanigans, dave is a cutie abububu, seriously there is only dave here
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-11
Updated: 2014-06-11
Packaged: 2018-02-04 07:05:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,136
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1770061
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pyrrhic_victoly/pseuds/cthchewy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dave's time powers allow him to live through several hours for everyone else's one and he's essentially been awake for days on end.  Exhausted from all the time travel, Dave allows his future self to lead him to the Cuddle Pile, a sleep station that other future thems have set up to solve this very problem.</p><p>Cuddle Pile is the shit.  <del>(Just like Lil Cal.)</del></p>
            </blockquote>





	Daves Only, Keep Out!

**Author's Note:**

> kink meme prompt: http://homesmut.dreamwidth.org/39716.html?thread=43760932#cmt43760932

You've been up about 72 hours straight making a goddamn killing on the LOHACSE, among other things. At first it was all, "why do crocodiles even have a stock market", but then you were like, "fuck it, imma cheat them out of their hard-earned money". You've been running all over the place, tying the space-time continuum into a fucking fantastic Gordian knot, and now you're nearly out of fuel.

Or, well, you figure you ran out a long time ago, what with all the strifing, flash stepping, and disposing of Dead Daves. But you keep moving anyway because you're in a hostile land. It's not like you can just take a nap while surrounded by imps and lava. The crocodile consorts have proven to be dumb as bricks and also untrustworthy, if them trying to cook you is any indication, so, no, you definitely wouldn't risk falling asleep in the consort villages either, imp-free though they might be.

Oh, hey, it's Past Dave in the red suit; you remember this point in the timeline. "Hey!" You wave him over. "Put it all into Nakworks, that shit's where it's at."

"Yeah? What happened to NikNak Inc.?"

"Iunno, it tanked a couple hours ago when I came from. Future Us says he'll be keeping an eye on it, see if it picks back up."

"Cool, cool."

"Listen, I'm…" A wave of dizziness hits you and you stagger. Past Dave looks like he wants to help out - hell, you remember _being_ him and wanting to help out - but you shoo him away because that's the way it's gotta be unless you want to risk dooming the both of you.

As soon as Past Dave is out of sight, you sigh and look around, trying and failing to think through what you should be doing now to reach the next Alpha Timeline Checkpoint that the myriad Future Yous have set up. Shit. Your mind's all blurry from lack of sleep, but you can't rest until you know what point in the timeline you should be headed for next.

You try to stifle a yawn, try to slap yourself awake… Another Dave grabs your hand and lowers it. You don't remember being this douchebag so he must be from further in the future than you are. Maybe he's here to tell you what's coming up.

"Yo," he says, "Cuddle Pile's that way." He jerks a thumb toward a darkened corridor that leads to a series of conference rooms infrequently used by the local Nakkodile businessmen.

"Huh?" Oh yeah, very intelligent response. Witty, even.

Future You rolls his eyes behind his shades. "C'mon, bro, I know you're here for the Cuddle Pile. Look at you yawning all over the place, it's ridic how tired you are. You're so fucking tired even your yawns have yawns."

"The hell're you talking about?"

"Oh, right, sorry dude. It must be the first time for you. Haven't gone to sleep even once since you got past the first gate?" You nod and he continues. "Well, a couple other Daves set up a sort of sleep station in one of the conference rooms. I actually just woke up, so it's my turn to ferry all the tired Daves in the direction of the Cuddle Pile."

"That sounds pretty lame."

"No way, Cuddle Pile is the shit."

Whatever, you shrug. "All right, lead the way, bro."

Your future self takes you down a hall line with framed photos of ditzy-looking crocodiles in suits, each with a plaque underneath proclaiming them to be CEOs or famed economists and the like. The door right after the portrait of Mr. Nakklesworth, founder of Nakklesworth & Associates, is different from the rest. It has been, for lack of a better word, graffitied. Actually, a better word would be _defiled_.

 

**FRUITY RUMPUS ASSHOLE CUDDLE PILE**

**DAVES ONLY  
** **EVERYONE ELSE KEEP OUT**  
 **(sweet bros and hella jeffs also welcome)**  
 **8^y**

**PARK YOUR PLUSH RUMP HERE**

 

It has been graffitied to beyond the Furthest Ring… of Awesome. Shitty comics adorn the sides of the door, occasionally spilling out to the walls. The aforementioned Mr. Nakklesworth lies within the gaping maw of a giant laughing Hella Jeff. Future You points to Mr. Nakklesworth's new and improved environs and says, with a hint of well-earned pride, "I painted that one." Then he pauses to think for a second. "Of course, when I was you and it was the first time seeing this door, all of it was already here like you see now. I mean, that piece is just the one that got painted first, Dave-timeline-wise, because I remember doing it but I don't remember doing any of the others. It's weird, though, that like in the linear timeline that's what appeared last? Huh. You know what I'm saying?"

"Pretty much a solid no here."

He purses his already-stoic lips. "Yeah, you need sleep."

The door creaks ever so slightly as he opens it, and you see that it's dimly lit inside. There's a large floor lamp made out of a smuppet's glowing ass right next to the door; it's the first thing you see. Actually, there are headless smuppets every-goddamn-where. You can still see a conference table and some chairs pushed to the side, but beyond that it's just a sea of plush rumps with a couple of plush - are those dragons? - yeah, some dragons floating around in there too.

In a slightly less rump-filled area, the remaining chairs have been requisitioned to uphold a majestic blanket fort made from like a bajillion alchemized clones of your bedsheets and pillows. It's softly lit from the inside by a string of - yup, those sure are rainbow puppet ass lights. You can see at least five Daves in there in various states of wakefulness.

The Dave who brought you here pushes you in the rest of the way and closes the door after himself. "So here you are. May the cuddles be with you." He brings out his timetables and disappears into the future.

Your expression is tight as you stride toward the blanket fort to get a closer look. One Dave is flopped bonelessly in the corner, making little snuffling sleep noises. Another Dave is buried under so many blankets that you can only see his feet. Yet another is standing up, stretching and yawning as he prepares to leave. This Dave nods to you in greeting as he, too, stumbles out and spins his way into the future.

Two Daves, situated on a mound of pillows in the center of the fort, are clinging to each other in a way that's frankly embarrassing while a third Dave, sitting to the side, is softly rapping them to sleep. The two Daves are all tangled up in each other, legs intertwined, hands tucked under cheeks and chins. Their foreheads… their foreheads are _touching_ , wow, that's disturbing.

It hurts a little to look at them. It reminds you too much of when Bro used to build ironic blanket forts for you when you were younger and couldn't or wouldn't go to sleep. You would crawl into the fort with him, curl up into a little ball at his side, ask for bedtime raps like the snotty little brat that you were. And you would fall asleep using his thigh as a pillow. (And you would wake up buried in a mound of smuppets, but that's not a thing you have to worry about right now… Is it? You're pretty sure it's against the Dave code to do that shit to other Daves.)

The cuddling Daves yawn and cling tighter, snuggle closer until you can't tell where one Dave ends and the other begins. Those are definitely not ironic bro-hugs.

"It's all fucking Tangle Buddies up in this bitch," you say, trying not to let the surprise color your voice.

Rapping Dave abruptly stops his mumbles and turns to look at you. The sleepy Daves perk up a bit, exchange little looks and whispers with each other and then, as one, they remove their shades to stare at you with their red eyes.

"Join us, Dave."

You recoil. "Ffffffuuuuuuck no."

"Stay with us," they continue in tandem, "For ever and ever and ever…"

"No, seriously, fuck you guys, playing up the evil albino twin schtick like you think this is the auditions for The Shining and The Matrix all in one. I am never going to sleep after that, never."

Someone shoves you from behind. You belatedly realize that Rapping Dave had flash stepped behind you as you were engaged in silently freaking out over the twins. You're tired and off your game. You trip over some pillows and wind up landing between them.

"Auugh, let go!"

The freaky cuddle Daves each grab hold of an arm and pin your legs between theirs. They snuggle back up, except this time you're caught in the middle and it's _your_ chin they're tucking their heads under, it's _your_ skin their breath is tickling over.

Dave to your right whispers into your ear, "This is what you get for disturbing our rest, bro."

Dave to your left joins in. "Rule number one of Cuddle Pile--"

"Don't talk about Cuddle Pile?"

"Don't _make fun_ of Cuddle Pile. Cuddle Pile is the shit."

Rightside-Dave picks back up. "Listen up, noob. Cuddle Pile is the only reason you get to keep on being as rad as you've been. This is the only place you're ever going to feel safe enough to get a full night's rest while you're on this lava-filled shit hole."

"Yeah," says leftside-Dave, "who better to watch your back while you're unconscious than a room full of other Daves? It's lousy with imps out there, imps and fucking crocodile chefs armed with onions. Fuck onions."

Yes, fuck onions. You can get behind this sentiment 100%. They do make sense, you admit. Of course they make sense because they're you. "Okay, okay, no more talking smack about Cuddle Pile. Let me up and I'll just go curl up in that mound of pillows over there."

"Nope." Both Daves tighten their hold on your limbs. Shit, you're trapped. They're going to cuddle you sweetly all night long. Oh fuck. The horrors.

Rapping Dave, who had been watching the scene with detached amusement (fuck him for playing it so cool), comes over to pull a blanket over the three of you. "Shh, no freakouts, Dave, only sleep now."

He settles himself back in his original position and starts softly mumbling his raps again.

"Rock a bye Davey, don't say a word,  
Bro's gonna get you an orange sprite bird,

And if that sprite bird won't stop with the caw,  
Bro's gonna slap him in the fucking maw,

Shit that was bad, lemme start over again…"

 

You wake up after 7 hours, 34 minutes, 18 seconds. The clockworks settle firmly in the back of your mind and resume their onward march. You slept longer than you had intended, but you are also much more refreshed than you had anticipated. You feel a lot more awake than you have in a long time, possibly since you first started playing this game.

A couple new Daves have entered the blanket fort; one is laying on top of your legs. You quietly untangle yourself and - oh, what the hell. You tuck him in, get the blankets all nice and snug around him.

You leave to spend another hard day at work legally swindling crocodiles out of their money, and when you get tired, this time you know to retreat to the Cuddle Pile. The pattern repeats until one time you fall asleep in the fort and wake up to find you've been buried under a mass of blankets. You are now Blanket Dave. It is you.

You get up, warp to the future, game the system, come back to sleep. One time you accidentally warp back a little further than you had intended and when you come to the graffitied door, you notice that it's missing the giant Hella Jeff. You're so tired you're not even in your right mind, but you paint anyway and hope that it turns out suitably crappy. You go in and flop into a scandalous six-Dave pile-up, and when you wake, Lullaby Dave (seriously, you've met him like five times now, how long does this you spend rapping other yous to sleep?) tells you it's your turn to catch the other tired Daves and bring them in.

You make your way out of the room, still feeling glowy and refreshed from all the cuddles and ready to spread the cuddle-joy to all other Daves. There he is. Around the corner. Stumbling? Shit's not allowed. Daves are too cool for tripping over their own feet. You flash step over to him.

"Yo, Cuddle Pile's that way."


End file.
